


deep oceans

by evatheappy



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Cutting, New Avatar (Avatar TV), Post-Avatar: The Legend of Korra, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:33:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27536872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evatheappy/pseuds/evatheappy
Summary: hi sorry if its bad but this is definitely a Twthere are very strong subject in here and I hope I portrayed them right
Kudos: 7





	deep oceans

**Author's Note:**

> hi sorry if its bad but this is definitely a Tw   
>  there are very strong subject in here and I hope I portrayed them right

Korra lowered her head letting her hair cover her face, she was in her bed alone in the middle of the night. She got up, her tear stained face looked at herself in the mirror and closed the door behind her locking it as she began to unwrap her forearms that had carefully planned out cuts and bruises. She took her blade in her hand and ran it along her arm, placing it along an empty spot that had old scars on it. she pressed down seeing her blood come after She did this several times not being satisfied with how little it hurt she needed it to hurt for her to feel the pain she had caused for everyone else over the years. Korra wiped away the blood before wrapping her arms again like always she went back to her room and hid the blade under the ground using her bending to cover it up since no one on the island was an earthbender there was no risk of anyone finding it.korra then climbed into her bed wrapping the warm blankets over herself trying not to think about everything in the past couple of years especially when zaheer poisoned her, but it was too late to not think of it.

When Korra got up the next morning she got up and made sure her wraps were tightly bound around her. She went to go eat breakfast with everyone but she didn't end up eating any of her food she just swirled it around in her bowl she only got away with it because ikki and meelo were being rather annoying this morning she she got up and went to go train in the courtyard after ikki was yelling at meelo starting to give her a headache her arms were aching and sore but she continued to go along with her normal workout which was a run for as long as her legs could support her and fighting training that she always needed. Tenzin watched as she worked hard sweat running down her face. She could sense he was watching her and she gave it her all when she saw him leave. She collapsed on the ground, her body aching in pain from working so much she leaned against the wall. She took in deep breaths holding her water in her hand that was hanging off of her knee. She started to get up but could barely move without pain shooting through her body, she heard someone coming “ shit who is it will they care that i have overworked myself?” The worst situations ran through her mind and she saw Lin she knew she could maybe get away with it. She looked up at the chief and smiled. She stopped and looked at her .   
“ you okay kid?” she asked, seeing how drained she was she wanted to check before running to yell at tenzin.  
Korra nodded “ hmm oh yeah just tired” she said while taking a sip of her water watching the chief walk off she let out a sigh as she got up holding on the wall and went to her room not wanting to hang or talk with anyone at this point she only went out to seem like she was okay.

Korra ended up falling asleep and woke up as it begun to get dark she waited until everyone was asleep and went out for a walk to get fresh air she played with her fingers not watching where she was going her body still aching from earlier told her to go back and sleep but she hadn't trained enough for today she found a flat area and began bending the earth for hours. As she finished she could feel her muscles already yelling at her, she was making her way back to the house and snuck in quietly making sure not to wake anyone up she grabbed a watter and went to her room grabbing the blades from the ground she cut her arm again after removing the wrapped around her arm. She could barely feel the pain and wanted to feel the pain so she cut deeper and more until she almost dropped the blade. Korra put the blades away and made sure the blood had stopped before wrapping them around her arms again, she went to her bed exhausted from today and fell asleep instantly.

Tenzin stood over her and woke up the sleeping avatar, as she woke up she rubbed her eyes and looked up to him “ tenzin? What is it” she asked   
“ You're needed at the police station “ he blatantly said before turning around and walking out “oh and you better be there in 30 minutes or lin will…” he said, getting cut off as he walked further away from her room. Korra sat up swinging her legs off of the bed and getting up every muscle told her to not move but she pushed through it and walked over to Naga who was outside playing with meelo throwing the ball .   
“ naga!” i said hugging her as she came running up to me and licking me on my face she pushed her away laughing before giving her a treat shelayed down rolling on her back looking for a belly rub which she of course gave her before walking to a boat and taking it to republic city and walking into the police department. She looked around and went to the front desk lady.   
“” hi excuse me chief beifong, do you know where she is?” korra asked the lady who smiled at her and nodded   
“ Yeah, she is probably in her office but if not just ask anyone” the woman said before letting the avatar in. she walked in and saw beifong walking up to her   
“ there you are, come with me i think you'll want to hear this” lin said in her low gravelly voice grabbing onto korra's arm and pulling her through the crowded path towards the interrogation rooms. The avatar pulled back from lins grasp wincing as she had grabbed on the fresh cuts underneath the wrapps that always covered her arms she rubbed her arm before realizing she made a mistake, lin looked back confused before realizing what was under those arm wraps   
“ Come on kid let's go “ Lin said as she didnt show that she knew what was going on, Lin walked to her office and Korra sat down knowing Lin knew she could tell by how she led her down her body had stiffened and she wasn't as aggressive. Lin sat down across the desk that had only a few papers lying on it, the chief gathered them up, setting them aside. Korra looked at lin and sighed as she could see her straighten up   
“Korra how have you been feeling” lin asked leaning on the desk in front of her  
“ im fine “ i replied hastily as i could only see this going one of two ways 

“ look you can either talk to me a complete stranger or i can arrest you for self endangerment you choice kid” lin said looking to the tired avatar who had dark bags under her eyes 

“What do you want me to say “ korra said as she looked to the floor 

“ what's on your arm “ lin blatantly said 

This caught korra by surprise people wouldn't usually directly tell or ask her things but lin did “ i-i and if i don't tell you” 

Lin sighed “ then i'll call in someone who will rip them off as you fight them, you won't be judged i just want you to be safe. And you won't be until you talk to someone about what's going on and what your doing to yourself”

Korra looked away and didn't want to show the chief wha she had done to herself and how much she did it, she was addicted to it to make herself feel some sort of pain. The avatar refused and just sat there silently not moving.

Lin shook her head and let out a sigh “ who do you want me to call, tenzin? Your parents?” 

Korra didn't answer but sat there in the metal chair with her leg on it close to her chest. She heard Lin talking but didnt think about what she was saying, she needed to be hurt and she didn't care who cared. It was her body and she wanted to do this. 

Lin picked up the phone and called tenzin she tapped her foot on the ground waiting for her ex to pick up which he did “ tenzin, hey i've got korra down here and i think you should come down here as soon as you can” lin spoke softly which was weird even for her. When she hung up she looked to the kid to see her sitting there not moving, she grabbed one of the many unfinished reports on the chiefs desk and filled it in doing it for the next hour occasionally looking to the girl in front of her who was still looking blankly at the floor. 

Korra was fighting with herself to not fall asleep and to shut out the voices in the back of her head which made her annoyed about everything she wanted to lash out and just blame someone, anyone for why this is happening. If she hadn't come here, Lin wouldn't have grabbed her. 

There was a knock on the door and lin got up walking to the door patting the kid on her shoulder as she passed by. Lin opened the door to see tenzin anxiously waiting she stepped out of the office and lead him down the hall a bit making sure korra couldnt hear them. 

“ while i was bringing korra i i grabbed her arm, you know on her wraps she pulled back and i have reason to believe that she has been hurting herself “ lin said to tenzin who was washed over with a wave of anger 

“ she- what ?” tenzin said, raising his tone.

Lin sighed “ she doesn't need you yelling at her she needs support, i'm not going to let you in unless you won't get mad and lecture her” lin said crossing her arms blocking his way to her office.

Tenzin relaxed and took a breath “okay fine “ he said as he looked down the hall.

Lin walked to the office door knocking before coming in to see Korra still sitting there, her chin resting on her knee and staring at the floor. Tenzin looked at her with a furrowed brow concerned but angered he didn't realize it sooner “ korra, why didn't you tell me i could have helped, do you want help even?” he asked quickly and in a stern voice, Lin looked at him and scowled at him pointing to the door walking to the door as he walked out. Lin stood in the door frame and quietly said “ I told you not to do that, I'll take her today, you need to go. She needs quiet to think what's happening '' Lin sternly said, closing the door in Tenzin's face.lin turned around and sighed going back to her paperwork.

After a few hours lin was done with the papers on her desk, she looked to korra and got up 

“ come on kid let's go “ lin said grabbing her keys off of the desk.

“ why, where are we going?” korra spoke for the first time in hours.

“ You need a place to lay low and between you and me tenzin isnt too good with touchy feely things like this” Lin said, opening the door seeing Korra get up and walk out with her. She locked the door to her office and walked out to the streets walking in the dark with only the street lights on. Korra didn't say anything, not knowing lin could be like this she had never seen her this affectionate to anyone. Korra rolled her sleeves down covering her arms even more when lin stoped and opened the door to her place korra walked in seeing how clean it was except for the bottles on the counter. Lin turned the lights on and locked the door behind them, she looked to the avatar and sighed 

“ Do you have any on you ?” lin said pulling a take out box out of the fridge and handing it to korra 

“I- uh no i don't , why are you giving me this” korra said confused and cold.

“ for you to eat you haven't had anything in a while apparently” lin said as she poured a glass of water and put it on the island where Korra was sitting.

“ uh thanks,” korra said confused as to why she wasn't being punished for what she did.lin went into a door that seemed like her room and changed, she came out with a blanket and draped it over korra.she looked up to lin and had a confused look, but felt protected.

“ why are you doing this, shouldn't you be yelling at me?” she asked as she cuddled the blanket on her.

“ why so you could feel worse about it?” lin said, grabbing a snack for herslef

Korra ate the food that lin gave her as well as the water, she sighed moving the blanket so it could cover more of her. Lin went to do something for a bit and left Korra in the kitchen. Korra looked at the knives and fought the urge to cut her arms, if Lin found her more distressed she would feel horrible because of how nice she was being. Lin walked in with clean bandages and some ointment 

“ if you want to do it by yourself that's fine just take care of them '' Lin stated sitting down on the couch keeping an eye on the kid who was confused and wanted to hurt herself. Korra got up and grabbed what lin had given her. She felt sorry for what she had done and felt horrible for doing it but she needed to make herself feel pain in some way. She tried to ask for help but couldn't bear to let anyone see what she had done to herself. 

Korra went to the bathroom locking the door behind her and unwrapping her arm bands and putting the ointment lin gave her on it stung but not horribly, she bit her lip and covered her left arm. She unwrapped the other arm and struggled to get the ointment on it using her non-dominant hand, she sloppily wrapped it up not wanting to be in there much longer. 

Lin was getting up as Korra walked out of the bathroom, she sat down beside the chief and just waited for her to say something.

“ what do you want to hear right now, advice or do you want more of a distraction?” lin softly spoke.

Korra looked to her and sighed, arguing with her mind to tell her that she was ashamed of what she did but couldn't stop. “ i don't know- advice?” Korra said shyly as she cuddled up in the blanket she had been handed. 

“ okay kid, i hoped that i wouldn't have to have this talk with you but it's okay. You don't have to worry about what people think and I know you are already but I want you to focus on what you're doing and why “ Lin said, straightening her posture.

The avatar pulled her knees into her chest and held onto her legs “ how can i not think about them when i will have to see them soon, i can't hide here forever “ she said angrily 

Lin didn't say anything but put a hand on her shoulder “ it's okay “ 

Korra looked away and down at the floor again avoiding talking, she wanted to become invisible and just leave. The next avatar would be so much better just let them do it and give the world a chance. 

“ fine i'm going to bed “ lin said as she got up huffin.

“ wait” Korra said without even thinking “ can you lock me in a room? No sharp objects, please” she asked with her eyes getting foggy with tears.

Lin nodded and opened a door, a spare room that had a bed and a side table. She moved a few things out, anything glass or sharp and put it in her room.   
“ okay everythings out that you could use “ 

Korra walked in and turned to the tired chief “ thank you “ she said as she crawled into the bed seeing the door close and lin bending a metal hinge making sure that it wouldn't be easy to escape. 

As the night went on korra stayed up staring at the ceiling she tried to fall asleep but her intrusive thoughts had kept her up

What makes you think you have deserved to stop even if they know the pain you put them through while being alive is so much more than you could inflict on yourself 

Korra let tears slip out as she thought about shutting her head up but it would have been too much effort. Things were getting too much for her now and she wanted, no needed to stay in bed.

In the morning Lin was relieved that the door was still locked , she un bent the metal and knocked before coming in. 

“ korra get up i need to take you back tenzin has been on my ass all night whining about how i''stole `` you'' lin said watching her barely move or react to what she had said.

Korra was up and herd lin but didn't want to get up. She felt a hand shake her shoulder and she looked over at the chief who was already dressed . she sighed and got up silently following lin out the door, lin locked up and walked with her 

“ you know i used to do it to, i never had anyone to help so i ended up in the hospital one night, my sister was the one who found me and it has taken a lot of work but now i can wear them without feeling like i should have gone deeper” lin said while walking onto the boats 

Korra didn't say anything but did stay by her and didn't try to run off.when the boat docked on the island lin told korra to stay for a minute and went to go talk to tenzin she also may have threatened him if he yelled at korra, but lin went back in and walked out with korra.

Korra didnt want to go out but was too tired to argue, she walked out and saw tenzin his words still ringing in her head from yesterday . 

Do you even want to live, do you even want to get better?

Korra couldnt stand to look at him, she put her head down letting her hair drape over her face not wanting to deal with him right now or at all. Lin lead me up to the temple and watched for anyone who thought about talking about her, korra went to her room and closed the door on lin she went to her bed and layed there just tired and exhausted already. 

Lin stayede out side her room for a while just making sure she wouldnt do anything. Lin went to talk to tenzin,

“ she needs help, she asked me to lock her in a room last night so she wouldnt hurt herself” 

Kya walked in and herd this “ where is she now ?”

“ well if she was here she wouldnt have done it” tenzin said

“ shes in her room now, and tenzin say another thing like that and ill rewreck air temple island.” lin said snarcily at him

“I second that, ill go check on her “ kya chimed in

“ lin why'd you even take her, she is fine here” tenzin said as he nodded to kya 

“ because i've seen too many of these things go bad and fast “ lin said crossing her arms

Tenzin sighed , “ did she tell you anything?” 

“ nothing more than you know” she said 

Kya walked to korras room and knocked on the door, no reply “hey korra i'm coming in” kya announced as she opened the door and looked to the bed no one was there her room was empty, she looked in the bathroom no one there. Kya turned around internally panicking and running back to lin and her brother. 

“S-she's not there” kya said as she caught her breath from running over. 

Lins eyes widened and looked around, “ i'll go on the south tenzin you look in the temple, and kya you take the shore” 

Everyone ran off and looked around calling for korra, tenzin was looking all over and called for jinora to help, but they found no trace of her in the temple. Lin walked around in the field scattered with trees and training areas but no sign of the bender. Kya walked along the shore and looked out to the water surrounding the island.

Korra was hiding in a cave just off of the shore, she sat there with tears streaming down her face she quietly sobbed as she didn't want anyone to find her, she wanted to disappear now more then ever but couldn't build up the courage to do it and if she stayed there tenzin would end up yelling at her and she couldn't take that anymore. Kya herd quiet sobs and looked around seeing a cave 

“ korra?” kya asked walking in   
Korra didn't say anything but moved her head into her knees looking down at the ground. She felt kya touch her shoulder and she tensed up, she tried to take deep breaths but could barely keep it together. Kya hugged her and just let her cry. She held her for a while until her sobs turned into breaths calming down. 

“ you know were all just worried about you right?” kya asked looking to korra

“ yeah, but i dont i cant have tenzin yell at me, especially about this” korra said as she sat up wiping the tears off of her face.

“ dont worry im keeping him on a leash from you” kya smiled as she ran her hands down to the clean wraps around her arms. Korra stiffened her body and hated that she knew what were under them. Kya stood up reaching a hand to her “ your going to have to let me heal them sometime, com on theres wter just out there.please” kya said   
Korra grabbed her hand and got up walking to the shore with the healer.

“ may i ?” kya asked as she had touched the tail of the wrap that was poking out 

Korra nodded and turned her head away not wanting to see kyas face or her arms. Kya unwrapped the arm and didn't make any judgemental comments or even look at them wrong. She waterbended the water it glowed in the dark sky giving them light and comfort, korra glanced over to see Kya with her concentrated face.

“ I think you're gorgeous and have nothing to be ashamed of, “ Kya said, noticing that Korra looked over. Kya finished with that arm and moved to the other one doing the best she could where they were but she wanted to do it here it was secluded and quiet no one would come this way and korra felt safe enough to let her do it she didn't want to risk having her go back to refusing anyone looking at her arms, her beautiful arms. 

Korra looked away again feeling her sore arms being healed which took a lot of strength to not pull away. Kya finished up with the other arm and wrapped them up not too tightly but just tight enough making her comfortable. Kya got up and so did korra they walked back up to the temple lin was waiting there and sighed in relief while seeing them both kya waved her hand telling her to wait before coming barging in. kya walked her to her room and sat with her 

“ korra, where are they?” kya asked as she looked to the girl infront of her 

Korra looked up to her and realied what she had ment she stomped on the ground and a small box came up from the floor covered in dust.

“ thank you, i know this is difricult but ill stay with you as long as you want.” kya said with a small smile on her face.

Korra sighed laying down on the bed and stayed quiet not wanting to talk about it right now she had just given up her addiction how could she be completely okay with this. Kya picked up the box and walked out running into lin as she was going to her room for the night.

“Lin hey” kya said 

‘ what's that ?” lin asked 

“ uh korra's she gave them up “ kya said letting out a sigh “ she just doesnt want tenzin yelling at her which i get but i feel bad for her” 

“Yeah “lin agreed “ i'm going to watch her hallway so have a good night” lin said before walking off   
Lin opened the door and checked on the sleeping kid and a smile found its way onto her face seeing her not sad for the first time in a few days. As the night dragged on lin leaned against the wall barley staying awake she fell asleep korra woke up in a panic hearing a soft thud which was lin she felt guilty fot not cutting into her skin she freaked out and went to her bathroom and cried as she looked for a spare blade that she had left a few days ago she found it and ripped off her arm wraps cutting into her skin unplanned over new and old scars this time she had gone deeper then before cutting vertically along her arm. 

Korra had panicked as she saw the amount of blood rushing out of her arms she sobbed before feeling faint and falling on the floor. She was half conscious when she heard footsteps running to her. 

\------------

She was outside her body before realizing it and saw Lin yelling at someone, anyone and shaking my almost dead body, she had realized what she did and didn't mean to do it. Korra looked as she saw tenzin rush in with fear on his face. This is one of the only times I've seen the chief cry she held onto her body as it flailed in her hands. Korra let tears roll down her face as all she could do was watch this happen. kya had come in next her face turned from worried to heartbroken in seconds. The kids were still asleep thank god for that korra couldn't handle them seeing her like this. Lin had held my body for hours just sitting there until a doctor came in. Lin refused to give up her hold on my body. After kya held her the doctors had taken the body away, lin was in such distress and could barely form sentences but kya held her even if she was covered in blood she didn't care but she was there.


End file.
